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Olives Boligarky: Mr. Tone, it’s so nice to have you join us today.

Dial Tone: Yer welcome, but it’s Dial-Tone – one name.

OB: Like Madonna or Cher?

Dial Tone: Uh? I hope not…

OB: So, you have been a member of G.I. Joe for a number of years but have failed to gain the spotlight like some other Joes.

Dial Tone: Yeah, well… It happens.  I guess my job isn’t as exciting… working communications.

OB: Communications?

Dial Tone: Yeah, you know – phone lines, radio transmission.  We’ve gotta be on top of our shit to stay ahead in the world defense game.

OB:  Wow… so you’re a real player in world defense.

Dial Tone:  Well, you know we do our part, wherever there’s trouble, G.I. Joe is there!

OB:  That definitely is commendable.  What’s the most exciting thing you’ve seen since a member of the elite fighting force?

Dial Tone:   Well, we just switched our entire network to digital… like your cell phone there, but a much more powerful network… that was pretty exciting.

OB: Fascinating, no really, I find this fascinating… but tell me more about your deep seated resentment towards Flint and Shipwreck and Snake Eyes… all more popular Joes.

Dial Tone: Uh… what are you talking about?  I don’t have any feelings like that…

OB: Oooh, like a robot or android?  You don’t feel human emotion?

Dial Tone: What the hell are you talking about? 

OB: Nothing, nothing… what do you think of the female Joes… some of them are pretty hot…

Dial Tone: Well, there are several very wonderful ladies who are part of our fighting force – strong, intelligent members who help whenever there’s trouble.

OB: G.I. Joe is there, I know, I know…  But level with me… Lady Jane pie gots ta be something’ delicious… you know what I mean?

Dial Tone:  Uh… no.  I don’t.

OB:  C’mon – even those Cobra babes are smokin’… you tellin’ me you won’t want a bit of Baroness poontang?

Dial Tone:  What?  That’s a horrible way to talk about women, what’s wrong with Olives Boligarky anyway?

OB: Everything my friend… everything.

OB:  But I digress, so I’ll change the subject.  I notice that you were a beret.

Dial Tone: Uh, yeah.  Part of my uniform.

OB:  Ah… and you have a mustache.

Dial Tone: I think that’s pretty obvious.

OB: And you’re not really Sadaam Hussein right?  Because, with the beret and mustache… you know.

Dial Tone: I find that a little insulting actually.

OB:  OH, I apologize, but do you have any ambitions of climbing the ranks?

Dial Tone:   Well I work very hard, and I’ve been promoted a few times…

OB:  No plans for world domination or anything?  Kinda like Sadaam?

Dial Tone:  OF COURSE NOT.  I’m a communications officer, I do my job, and I’m proud enough of that.

OB:  Oh wait… communications officer… like Uhura from Star Trek right?

Dial Tone:  Uh, well… in the sense that we both worked with communications, I guess it’s kind of the same.

OB:  Yeah, she used to be really fuckin’ hot.  With that Starfleet issue mini-skirt.  Damn.

Dial Tone:  Seriously, don’t you want to ask any normal questions?

OB:  These are pretty standard in our interviews… but let me ask you about Cobra Commander.  We had him by several weeks ago for an interview.  What do you think of him?

Dial Tone:  Well, he’s a ruthless leader who will stop at nothing until he conquers the world and twists it into his own evil empire.  But he won’t succeed, because wherever there’s trouble, G.I. Joe is there.

OB: Um.  You HAVE said that already.

Dial Tone:  Cobra Commander is dangerous, and we keep him in check.  He is a menace.

OB:  And he doesn’t particularly like Batman.

Dial Tone:  Well, after that last term as president, it seems that everyone has a beef with him.  I still can’t believe he enacted the law that forces everyone to wear a yellow hat on Tuesdays.

OB: Yeah, that was bad.

OB:  But what do you think about that mask?

Dial Tone: Uh… it’s creepy not knowing who’s behind that thing… it really could be anyone… anyone at all…

OB:  Are you trying to tell us something?

Dial Tone:  All I know, is that working with phone lines, you hear an awful lot of conversations.

OB: Meaning?

Dial Tone: Meaning, if you knew what sort of pizza a man ordered, could you identify him?

OB:  Uh, probably not.

Dial Tone: Not YET you mean… I’m working on it.

OB:  We talkin’ about Cobra Commander or Batman?

Dial Tone:  Exactly.

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