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Olives Boligarky:  Welcome… Uh.  Mr…. uh, who the hell are you?

Generic Robot: I - am - a - robot.

OB: Yeah, I can pretty much see that, but WHO are you?

GR: A - robot.

OB: Uh, ok.  My boss wanted me to meet with you because of something you do.  Why are we interviewing you?

GR: Because - I - am - here.

OB: Yeah, that’s why I’m asking this question about who you are, but I mean, why is Olives Boligarky interviewing you?

GR: Insufficient - data.

OB: Ok then, I’m gonna just ask you the standard routine, and maybe my boss won’t fire me when I give his one crappy interview with a robot that no one knows.

GR: Acceptable.

OB: Do you even have a name?

GR: Affirmative.

OB: Can you tell it to me?

GR: Affirmative.

OB: Ergh… WILL you tell it to me?

GR: Affirmative.

OB: AGH! Just tell me your name already!!!

GR: Robot.

OB: I know you are a robot, but what’s your fucking name?!?

GR: Robot.  My - name - is - robot.

OB: Oh, well that sort of sucks.

GR: Negative.

OB: Having a generic name for yourself like robot doesn’t suck?

GR: Exactly.  A - name - can - not - suck.  A - vacuum - cleaner - or - a - sewage - system - or your - mother - can - suck.  A - name - can - not - suck.

OB: Did you just say something about my mother?

GR: Affirmative.  You - are - attempting - to - equate - sucking - with - an - undesirable - experience.  Therefore - I - shall - reassess - your - question - to - mean - that - you - wish - to - know - whether - I - enjoy - the - generic - name - of - Robot.

OB: Uh, yeah.  I can’t believe we’re still on the name question.

GR: I - am - unconcerned - with - my - given - designation - of - “Robot.”  It - is - an - accurate - representation - of - my - existence.  I - compute - that - your - name - is - likely - “rat - bastard.”

OB: What?  Are you trying to start something with me?

GR: Question - does - not - compute.

OB: Are you looking to start a fight or something?

GR: I - do - not - look - at - anything.  My - visual - spectrum - analyization - process - evaluates - in - a - three - hundred - and - sixty - degree - sensory - status - system.  I - can - not - look - at - any - one - thing.

OB: Ok, whatever, let’s just get this interview over with.  What do you do?

GR: Exist.

OB: Yeah, ok, ok.  I’m not getting into this again.  What is your designated primary function?

GR: Finally - a - question - that - computes.  My - primary - function - is - to - program - satellite - transmission - apparatui.

OB: You program cell phones or something?

GR: I - program - elements - of - transmission… including - cellular - phones.

OB: So, uh, you could say, interrupt a cell phone call?

GR: Affirmative.

OB: And you could probably even run recorded voices through this transmission couldn’t you?

GR: Affirmative.

OB: That would be pretty handy come April Fool’s Day.  Do you ever do that sort of thing?  You know, just for laughs?

GR: I - do - not - laugh.  I - do - transmit - unauthorized - recordings - at - certain - times.

OB: Ah, now this is getting a little interesting.  Can you give me an example.

GR: Affirmative.

OB: Will you give me an example?

GR: Affirmative.

OB: Oh, COME ON.  You know what I’m asking you.  Just give me a God Damned example!

GR: Before - arriving - here - I - transmitted - a - signal - to - a - cellular - phone - playing - a - message - as - though - coming - from - another - source.

OB: Ha ha.  That’s kind of cool.  That must be the reason my boss called me to interview you.  He said that I should meet someone at this location for a great interview.  He said it would be someone that had an amazing job…  Hmmm… I asked him if I should give you the usual monetary compensation for the interview…

GR: Interesting - what - did - your - boss - say?

OB:  I could have sword he said his answer was “affirmative.”

GR: Appropriate - for - any - human - to - answer.

OB: Then he said I should probably double it.

GR: Your - boss - is - generous - to - a - high - standard.

OB: You son of a bitch.

GR: I - am - not - a - son - of - anything.  I - was - not - born.

OB: Is there anything you’d like to say before I grab my blowtorch?

GR: Affirmative: DANGER! DANGER, Will Robinson, DANGER!

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