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Olives Boligarky: Hello Mr. Joker.  It’s an honor to talk to you today.

Joker: Just call me Joker, and I’m glad to be here.  I don’t get too many forums to talk.

OB: Well, let me apologize in advance.  I’m having some personal troubles.

Joker: Really, maybe I can help you.  I am an evil genius you know.  HA HA HA.

OB: Well, I’ve been searching for Seth Green for a month now.  He sent some bizarre robot after me to mess with me a while back, and I want to get even.

Joker: HA HA HA.  Excellent.  You want to get even, you want… Revenge!

OB: Well, yeah, he is just a douchewad, and I want to do something to get back at him for that stupid robot prank.  His chicken robot wasn’t even cool.  It was just short and stupid.

Joker: Not unlike his show.  HA HA HA.

OB: Exactly.  Sorry though, I’m supposed to be interviewing you about so many things.

Joker: Everyone already knows about me… the Jack Nicolson thing, hating Batman… I mean really, what’s left to tell?  HA HA HA!

OB: So, you’d really be able to help me figure out where to find Green?

Joker: To be honest, I have a bit of a vested interest in finding Green myself.  I have a feeling that he’s been infringing on some of my business downtown.

OB: Really?  What do you mean?

Joker: I had a nice little business going, where action figures sold me their parts.  I gave them a decent fee, but I’d turn a profit reselling on the black market.  You wouldn’t believe what a G.I.Joe black rubber band goes for nowadays.

OB: No kidding.  So Green has been getting into the action figure parts trade eh?

Joker: Looks like it.

OB: So what’s the plan.

Joker: Well, there’s the tricky part.  I’ve devised 14,948 different crime schemes to make money, hoard power, or disrupt society generally.  Of those, I’ve hatched 48,284 plans to prevent Batman from ruining those schemes.  The crimes are good, but keeping Batman off my back.  That’s not easy.

OB: Your point?

Joker: I’m not always an idea guy.

OB: But you just said, you had good crime ideas…

Joker: I’m not an idea guy.

OB; Oh, for the love of God.  Didn’t you kill Batman once?

Joker: Hey Junior, in the comic book world we get reincarnated faster than you can say “Wolverine.”

OB: Yeah, but he’s a marvel comic, and you’re DC.

Joker: Do you want to find Green or not?

OB: Uh, YES.  But you aren’t really helping, just talking a lot.

Joker: Better than laughing all the time.  HA HA HA.

OB: Yeah, I suppose so.

Joker: HA HA HA HA HA!

OB: Yeah, you made your point, cut it out.

Joker: HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!

OB: STOP IT!

Joker: Ok, just teaching you a lesson.  It’s annoying isn’t it?

OB: Yes, can we just find Green now.

Joker: You haven’t been listening to anything I’ve been saying.  My point has been this: If you devise a great plan that undercuts Green… he’ll show up all on his own, just to try and ruin it for you.

OB: Oh, wow.  That is not a bad idea.

Joker: Now, as long as you help me with something, I’ll help you set up all you need to catch Green.

OB: Really?  What is it?  I’ll do anything.

Joker: Not so fast my friend.  Let’s discuss this.  I’ve been bending over backwards to get someone on board that’s not a total idiot.

OB: Fine, what do I do.

Joker: Ok, to get Green, you have to build a Great Action Figure Arena!

OB: A what?

Joker: An Action Figure Arena!

OB: A what?

Joker: You know, like the coliseum, for action figures, where they can fight to the death.

OB: Fight to the death?

Joker: Yes, to the death, where you can keep their extra parts!!!  Then you will begin to undercut Green and make some decent money in the process.

OB: I suppose it would be pretty good entertainment for the OB readers too.  I’m sure they’d like to see action figures tear each other apart.

Joker: You know they would.  They are ruthless, and they want to see blood.  You start the arena, and Green will come looking for you.

OB: What do I do once I have him.

Joker: That’s up to you.  But I’d suggest something that involves sharks with freakin’ laser beams on their heads. HA HA HA HA HA HA!

OB: That’s great. HA HA HA!!!  Action Figure Arena, Here we Come!!!

Joker: HA HA HA!

OB: Now, what exactly did you want me to do in return for this plan?

Joker: Oh you know what I want.

OB: What?

Joker: I want what everyone wants since the last election.  I want Batman.

OB: That’s a tall order.  I’ll see what I can do.

Joker: HA HA HA!  I know you will.  I know you will. HA HA HA!!!

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