"The First Batch"
 

Michelangelo:
Someone I know once told me that they make soup out of turtles.  I reminded him that every time he takes a bath, he's making dirty human soup.

Raphael:
They say that there is more than one way to skin a cat.  But they’re really all kind of bloody and messy, so who needs to learn more than one way?  Unless there’s a way to keep the cat from screeching while you do it, I guess THAT could be useful.

   

Classic Turtle Soup - January 1, 1984

Donatello:
Hmmm.  This Album "Make it Big" is really good.

Leonardo:
Yeah, Andrew Ridgeley sure is on the money with that title.

"The Second Batch"
 

Michelangelo:
Wow, I was just watching the news.  It’s really scary what our world has come to.  There is more and more violent death everyday.  And it’s with kids.  Why do they do it?  Where do they learn it?

Raphael:
I don’t know, but could you pass me a slice of pizza… Oh, and grab me my throwing stars, we have to kick the crap out of some mutant goons by 3 o’clock over in the playground.

Michelangelo:
Hey, who are you going to vote for?

Raphael:
The guy with the ugliest wife.

Donatello:
Why him?

Raphael:
He’s more likely to be banging things out at the office.

   

Leonardo:
You know, if I had a way to dig a tunnel from one side of the earth to the other, I wouldn’t charge people to use it.  Because they’d die once they got to the burning hot magma in the center of the earth, and I’d probably get sued.  Damn lawyers.

"The Third Batch"
 

Michelangelo:
Do you ever wish you had more money?

Leonardo:
Sure, then I could afford a piggy bank.

Michelangelo:
Someone wise once said, "There is nothing to fear but fear itself."  I say he hasn't ever clogged up a toilet while visiting his girlfriend's parents.

   

Michelangelo:
If someone thinks they've seen Bigfoot in the woods, most people blame alcohol.  But if I were drinking in the middle of the woods, and saw Bigfoot, I'd invite him to join me.  Then when he passes out, I'd smash him over the head with an empty booze bottle and drag his sorry carcass back to civilization.  Then people would be cheering alcohol.