Blowtorch:  Hey buddy, you look kinda down.  What's going on?  You don’t seem like yourself.

Shipwreck:  Eh... I'd rather not talk about it.

Blowtorch:  Why not?  This is your old buddy Blowtorch you're talkin' to.  Tell me what's wrong ol' buddy.  There's nothing so bad that a bottle of the Cap'n and a couple of hookers can't fix.

Shipwreck:  Wha? No.  You don't understand.  I don't know what to do about this one.

Blowtorch:  Well, if you're not going to tell your friend what's wrong, then stop bitching like a little girl.  Let's go out and have some fun!

Shipwreck:  You're right.  I guess it's not such a big deal.  I just wish... oh never mind.
 

Blowtorch:  Oh for the love of God.  What is wrong with you?  Are you sick or something?  Do you have cancer?  Is that it?  Oh, that's nothing.  They make real nice wigs these days.  Or you can go bald like Steve Austin.  You're in the fucking military, no one will care.

Shipwreck:  No.  No no no.  It's nothing like that... 

Wigs?  Dude, that's awfully insensitive.  Cancer is no joking matter.

Blowtorch:  Whatever fag, just tell me what's up or go...
 

Blowtorch:  Dude, what the fuck is wrong with you?

Shipwreck:  Don't call me a fag God Damnit!

Blowtorch:  Ok, Ok... sheesh, I didn't know you were so sensitive.

Shipwreck:  I'm sorry.  It's just... It's just that... That's the problem...

Blowtorch:  What you really are a fag?

Shipwreck:  No dumbass.  But a lot of people think I might be gay.
 

Blowtorch:  What?  A masculine seaman like yourself?  What are you talking about?

Shipwreck:  I think it's my uniform... the bellbottoms and tight shirt might be a little suggestive.

Blowtorch:  Well, I guess... can you let go of me now?

Shipwreck:  And I hear people snicker when they hear my bird’s name is Polly.

Blowtorch:  What?  Polly’s a fine name for a parrot.

Shipwreck:  A male parrot?

Blowtorch:  Hey, a little hashish in your tea makes you do funny shit.  Seriously, let go of me now.
 

Shipwreck:  Yeah, and those damn Village People.  They kinda made me into a gay pride symbol with half of their videos.

Blowtorch:  ♫♪ Macho Macho Man... ♪♫  Dude, that's not gay at all, I don't know what you are talking about.

Shipwreck:  Uh... Yes it is.  They are looking for a masculine guy...

…to fuck.

Blowtorch:  Hmm...  But surely, not YMCA.  When I was a young man, that's where I used to stay…

Played a lot of basketball…

Shirts versus skins…

Yeah, I don't know why we had to take our shorts off too, but I guess it WAS pretty steamy after you were sweating with a bunch of guys for a few hours a day...

Shipwreck:  So you see my point!

Blowtorch:  No.

Shipwreck:  The point is, I think that people assume I'm gay.  Not that there's anything wrong with that.

Blowtorch:  Yeah, except that you'd be a fag.

Shipwreck:  Why are we friends?

Blowtorch:  Because I invite you over to my 4th of July barbeques. 

Shipwreck:  Damnit.  I need to get out more. 

to be continued...