Blowtorch:  Wow, dude.  Those workouts with slaughter are really paying off.

Shipwreck:  Whatever.  I just want to get this whole process over with.  I can’t believe I let you two get me involved with this whole thing.  HEY! Where’s Dusty?

Blowtorch:  Oh, he had to go find a friend to work on you for the last part of your makeover.

Shipwreck:  What in the world?
 

Blowtorch:  Just stop worrying about it.  Let’s get on to phase 2.  I’ve got our good buddy Cyclops here to give you a tan.

Shipwreck:  A tan? Why do I need a tan?

Blowtorch:  Because, do you think your pasty look is gonna attract any ladies?  Maybe back in 1982 it did, but nowadays with skin that pale, you might as well buy a black trenchcoat, pierce your dick, and start listening to Marilyn Manson albums.

Shipwreck:  What on earth are you talking about?

Blowtorch:  Just strip down and head into that tanning room.  Cyclops will do all the work.
 

Cyclops:  Yeah.  Don’t worry about a thing Shipwreck.  I know what I’m doing here.  I’ll just give you a minute or two of exposure, to bronze you up.

Shipwreck:  You mean you’re going to use your mutant powers to color my skin?  Blast a super ray of energy that will lightly scorch my skin and give me that lightly tanned look?  I don’t think I wanna risk you blasting your laser beam vision at me...
 

Cyclops:  Uh… I was just going to let you borrow my Hawaian Tropic.  But if you want, we could do the whole burst of energy thing on your skin.

Shipwreck:  Uh. No thanks.

Cyclops:  Why exactly are you going through this whole makeover thing anyway?

Blowtorch: Ok, you guys are wasting my time.  I'm going to find Dusty.  Get tanned up and head over to your last appoint ment.

Shipwreck: Fine, fine.  Whatever.
 

Cyclops: So why are we doing this again?

Shipwreck:  Well, to be honest.  I want to attract a particular lady.

Cyclops:  Really?  Who is it?
 

Shipwreck:  Actually, it’s Deanna Troi.

Cyclops:  Ah, yes.  She is a cute little thing isn’t she?

Shipwreck:  Yeah, I want to get her attention, but I don’t think she knows I exist.
 

Cyclops:  What do you mean?  Everybody knows you Shipwreck.

Shipwreck:  I just don’t think she sees me in that way.

Cyclops:  Well, I’m sure that Blowtorch and Dusty know what they are doing to grab her attention.

Shipwreck:  Those two idiots don’t know the day of the week let alone anything about grabbing her attention.  I just hope this isn’t all a giant mistake.
 

Cyclops:  No no no, a sleepover at Michael Jackson’s place – THAT is a giant mistake.  Your friends just want to help.

Shipwreck:  I guess I’ll just get through this makeover, and go from there.

Cyclops:  Go where?

Shipwreck:  It’s just an expression.  I mean, move on afterwards.

Cyclops:  You’re moving?  But you have that amazing beach house…

Shipwreck:  No, no, no. I’m getting on with my life when this is all done.

Cyclops:  Ooooh.  I get it.

No I don’t, where are you moving again?  Is it nice?
 

Shipwreck: OH, I’m late for my last appointment.  Thanks so much.
 

Cyclops:  I’ll have to buy him a nice house-warming present after he moves…

to be continued...